CLEAR YOUR MIND.
I want to talk to you about the concept of projection.
Our bodies, minds and emotions are an active part of how we perceive
the world and the meaning we make of the events around us. There isn’t
an objective reality that everyone can agree on. This mental, emotional
psychological system affects how we perceive things, the filters that we
have affect how we see things. For example when the Spanish arrived
with their ships around the coast of Mexico, the natives couldn’t see
the ships.
Their systems just didn’t have what it took to see a ship in them, they never saw one before, and it didn’t make any sense. Most of our perceptive ability is actually programming that is learned, not the objective accurate perfect set of equipment we think it is. If you haven’t learned what red was or redness, you would not perceive the roses as being red, instead they would just be something that is happening around you, just one of the things you didn’t notice.
A loud bang out outside will be perceived as a car backfiring by one person, a car accident by another, and a gun shot by another. All projections, projecting the inner programming out onto the event. You can only perceive something relative to what is already programmed in your mind, this is often why we see things that aren’t there and miss things that are, because our mind are playing an active role in their being there.
Projection often comes up in relationships between men and women, we often project our own negative aspects onto people we dislike and we project our own positive qualities onto those we are attracted to. This leads many to problems, as we’re not recognizing our own dark side or seeing our own light side when we do this. Projection is Perception. Here’s the gift, the shadow and projection exercise that you just did. You might not have known it was a shadow and projection exercise. And if you did, did that awareness hinder you (self deception with hiding its own tracks, maybe?) Is there a list of nine or less admirable traits or characteristics in front of you accompanied by a list of 9 or less dislikeable traits or characteristics along with? Isn’t that interesting?)
Their systems just didn’t have what it took to see a ship in them, they never saw one before, and it didn’t make any sense. Most of our perceptive ability is actually programming that is learned, not the objective accurate perfect set of equipment we think it is. If you haven’t learned what red was or redness, you would not perceive the roses as being red, instead they would just be something that is happening around you, just one of the things you didn’t notice.
A loud bang out outside will be perceived as a car backfiring by one person, a car accident by another, and a gun shot by another. All projections, projecting the inner programming out onto the event. You can only perceive something relative to what is already programmed in your mind, this is often why we see things that aren’t there and miss things that are, because our mind are playing an active role in their being there.
Projection often comes up in relationships between men and women, we often project our own negative aspects onto people we dislike and we project our own positive qualities onto those we are attracted to. This leads many to problems, as we’re not recognizing our own dark side or seeing our own light side when we do this. Projection is Perception. Here’s the gift, the shadow and projection exercise that you just did. You might not have known it was a shadow and projection exercise. And if you did, did that awareness hinder you (self deception with hiding its own tracks, maybe?) Is there a list of nine or less admirable traits or characteristics in front of you accompanied by a list of 9 or less dislikeable traits or characteristics along with? Isn’t that interesting?)
I’d like to suggest that for the first
list you unconsciously went into your own shadow and projected those
traits about yourself onto those people.
I’d like to also suggest that you’ve chosen aspects of yourself that are your own strengths, that you don’t acknowledge enough, you don’t lead with enough and you don’t develop enough.
I’d like to suggest that for the list of people and their traits that you don’t admire, that you again unconsciously went into your shadow and projected those things about yourself onto those people.
I’d like to also suggest that you have chosen aspects of yourself that are your own weaknesses that you don’t acknowledge, come to grips with and confront in yourself. And that these aspects of you are holding you back in life to an extent that you cannot even imagine.
Read the list of attributes that you admire, then look into a mirror and realize that those are your greatest personal assets, affirm to yourself that you’ll lead with, capitalize on and develop those strengths more, instead of only projecting them onto others.
Now read the list of people that you don’t admire and the traits you disrespect most about them. Think about yourself and review those things in your mind. Look in the mirror, realize that those things are to some degree aspects of yourself that you previously didn’t want to accept, acknowledge or admit to yourself or to others. These are the dark aspects of your self, they are the thinks that you don’t acknowledge enough about yourself. And once you acknowledge them, you accept them you integrate, you can then transcend. And inside of them you can find the bright side, you can find power and strength.
I’d like to also suggest that you’ve chosen aspects of yourself that are your own strengths, that you don’t acknowledge enough, you don’t lead with enough and you don’t develop enough.
I’d like to suggest that for the list of people and their traits that you don’t admire, that you again unconsciously went into your shadow and projected those things about yourself onto those people.
I’d like to also suggest that you have chosen aspects of yourself that are your own weaknesses that you don’t acknowledge, come to grips with and confront in yourself. And that these aspects of you are holding you back in life to an extent that you cannot even imagine.
Read the list of attributes that you admire, then look into a mirror and realize that those are your greatest personal assets, affirm to yourself that you’ll lead with, capitalize on and develop those strengths more, instead of only projecting them onto others.
Now read the list of people that you don’t admire and the traits you disrespect most about them. Think about yourself and review those things in your mind. Look in the mirror, realize that those things are to some degree aspects of yourself that you previously didn’t want to accept, acknowledge or admit to yourself or to others. These are the dark aspects of your self, they are the thinks that you don’t acknowledge enough about yourself. And once you acknowledge them, you accept them you integrate, you can then transcend. And inside of them you can find the bright side, you can find power and strength.
As you think about yourself allow your body and mind to relax and make a personal commitment to begin working with these areas of yourself more, instead of only projecting onto others.
Unconscious blind spots. I’m
going to suggest that everything about you is an unconscious blind spot,
if you do it it’s a blind spot and it almost has to be. You’re doing a
thousand little things unconsciously, habitually and constantly that
you aren’t aware of, and worse your programmed to do them, and you think
that their perfectly normal. You probably would think that they’re
perfectly normal, if you realized you were doing them. You must
actually learn to see your blind spots, and change how you think, change
how you communicate, change how you behave, change how you respond.
A good place to start is by getting tough loving feedback from friends and mentors about areas that you wouldn’t normally ask about. Ask others to be honest with you, and tell you about your weaknesses, after a month ask them again and get an update, continue to get honest, critical feedback from others, if you and to continue to improve over time.
(The paradox of success, is that success often leaves you feeling empty.)
Pretty much everything about you is a blind spot, you can’t see it because our amazing minds and systems, they automate things and they automate them quickly. You can learn, automate, goes right into the unconscious process, and done, your doing it.
The calculus and the incredible math required just to move your arm around is incomprehensible and unbelievable, but yet you do it like its nothing with just a thought.
Then there are perceptual gaps, as human we have several self-deception systems built into our minds.These are systems that are designed to deceive ourselves, from ourselves and from the reality around us.
There is too much going on around us for us to possibly take it all in (consciously).
Where the nerve bundles connect to the back of each eye, we have blind spots, were not aware of these spots because our minds compensate for them and because each eye covers the blind spot of the other. We also have bind spots when it comes to all other senses as well. How many other things in your life have perceptual gaps, were you just never noticed them, and they’re right there in front of you the whole time? A lot. There are holes in our other sense like there are holes in our vision field. In addition to blind spots there are also event that are outside that range of our perceptual equipment.
There are movements too fast or too subtle to feel, sounds that are too high or too low to hear, and scents that are too faint to smell. Just like there are blind spots in our perception, there are gaps or wholes in our thinking, our memory our mental associations and our abilities. The problem is that many people do not perceive those gaps or limitations and they swear that they don’t exist. We humans often have memories that aren’t true, feel sensations in our bodies that came from our imaginations and assign meaning to things that are completely off base. Self-deception has a very important purpose; it keeps us sane and functioning in a very complex world. There is just too much going on for our brain to deal with all of the information, so it uses various tools to selectively distort and deceive you, in order to make things efficient and effective.
But often we deceive ourselves in ways that are not useful, in ways that end up holding us back and harming us.
We make up stories to justify our inability to succeed, we assign responsibility for our lives to others, we become mental victims of imaginary oppressors.
The process of self-deception is very difficult to detect, because it not only is transparent and happening all the time, it also erases its own tracks. To become of your own negative self-deception patterns you must pay careful attention and attend to it on and ongoing basis. I’m telling you about this because there are many things like this in your own life, gaps in your own perceptions, programming that you have that only you know about, you’re the only one that can detect it. And when you do detect it you need to sit down, and draw it out, so you can see it. When those things come up, when you get a shadow issue, write it down, talk about it, think about it, work on it, make it better, improve it. By spotting these things and taking them out of that place where your not aware of them, you then have power over them.
A good place to start is by getting tough loving feedback from friends and mentors about areas that you wouldn’t normally ask about. Ask others to be honest with you, and tell you about your weaknesses, after a month ask them again and get an update, continue to get honest, critical feedback from others, if you and to continue to improve over time.
(The paradox of success, is that success often leaves you feeling empty.)
Pretty much everything about you is a blind spot, you can’t see it because our amazing minds and systems, they automate things and they automate them quickly. You can learn, automate, goes right into the unconscious process, and done, your doing it.
The calculus and the incredible math required just to move your arm around is incomprehensible and unbelievable, but yet you do it like its nothing with just a thought.
Then there are perceptual gaps, as human we have several self-deception systems built into our minds.These are systems that are designed to deceive ourselves, from ourselves and from the reality around us.
There is too much going on around us for us to possibly take it all in (consciously).
Where the nerve bundles connect to the back of each eye, we have blind spots, were not aware of these spots because our minds compensate for them and because each eye covers the blind spot of the other. We also have bind spots when it comes to all other senses as well. How many other things in your life have perceptual gaps, were you just never noticed them, and they’re right there in front of you the whole time? A lot. There are holes in our other sense like there are holes in our vision field. In addition to blind spots there are also event that are outside that range of our perceptual equipment.
There are movements too fast or too subtle to feel, sounds that are too high or too low to hear, and scents that are too faint to smell. Just like there are blind spots in our perception, there are gaps or wholes in our thinking, our memory our mental associations and our abilities. The problem is that many people do not perceive those gaps or limitations and they swear that they don’t exist. We humans often have memories that aren’t true, feel sensations in our bodies that came from our imaginations and assign meaning to things that are completely off base. Self-deception has a very important purpose; it keeps us sane and functioning in a very complex world. There is just too much going on for our brain to deal with all of the information, so it uses various tools to selectively distort and deceive you, in order to make things efficient and effective.
But often we deceive ourselves in ways that are not useful, in ways that end up holding us back and harming us.
We make up stories to justify our inability to succeed, we assign responsibility for our lives to others, we become mental victims of imaginary oppressors.
The process of self-deception is very difficult to detect, because it not only is transparent and happening all the time, it also erases its own tracks. To become of your own negative self-deception patterns you must pay careful attention and attend to it on and ongoing basis. I’m telling you about this because there are many things like this in your own life, gaps in your own perceptions, programming that you have that only you know about, you’re the only one that can detect it. And when you do detect it you need to sit down, and draw it out, so you can see it. When those things come up, when you get a shadow issue, write it down, talk about it, think about it, work on it, make it better, improve it. By spotting these things and taking them out of that place where your not aware of them, you then have power over them.
I find it interesting that people are
always doing things that they are not aware of, going through patterns
they don’t realize, deceiving themselves about them and then denying
that they exist. One of the things that I find really fascinating is
that, your usually getting a secondary pay-off, from the thing that your
doing that you don’t want to acknowledge. Maybe it’s a perspective that
allows you to justify yourself, feel like your better than other people
what ever it is your getting a secondary pay-off.
Negative Self-Deception Habits:
Idealizing people as self-deception, one recurring theme with men (not actually gender or role specific) is with idealizing the opposite sex, projecting positive qualities onto them, that they repress in themselves, deceiving themselves about their flaws, then becoming emotionally involved with the person and using them to fill the holes in their own character. Of course the partner always end up being more imperfect than the other could have imagined. The image that was had turns out to be completely inaccurate and we end up ultimately hurting ourselves badly and often the partner as well. Part of this reoccurring theme is the part of us as man that want to rescue women who are in trouble, are damaged or broken. Unfortunately trying to rescue a woman who you’ve idealized beforehand is almost certainly a loosing battle. Make yourself a note if this is one of those that hits home.
You must first become brutally honest with yourself, then learn to see people more accurately and then choose your relationships carefully based on more mature foundation of knowledge and understanding.
Idealizing people as self-deception, one recurring theme with men (not actually gender or role specific) is with idealizing the opposite sex, projecting positive qualities onto them, that they repress in themselves, deceiving themselves about their flaws, then becoming emotionally involved with the person and using them to fill the holes in their own character. Of course the partner always end up being more imperfect than the other could have imagined. The image that was had turns out to be completely inaccurate and we end up ultimately hurting ourselves badly and often the partner as well. Part of this reoccurring theme is the part of us as man that want to rescue women who are in trouble, are damaged or broken. Unfortunately trying to rescue a woman who you’ve idealized beforehand is almost certainly a loosing battle. Make yourself a note if this is one of those that hits home.
You must first become brutally honest with yourself, then learn to see people more accurately and then choose your relationships carefully based on more mature foundation of knowledge and understanding.
Avoidance and Self-Medication.
We humans are really good at avoiding even the thought of things we don’t want to face. “I don’t even want to think about that right now” (because the thought of it is too much). When we do have to face things that make us uncomfortable, we can go to great lengths to tune them out and numb ourselves so we don’t feel their effects. One way we deal with issues we don’t want to confront is called self-medicating. We can do this psychologically, emotionally and behaviorally. We self medicate with things like food, sex, fantasy, sympathy from others, guilt from others, attention from others, drugs. This isn’t necessarily an bad thing, but it can be if its taken to an extreme. If you know when you’re doing it, and you get it, it can be positive. A lot of people have a dark side to self-medication that they know isn’t healthy, and they try to repress it. More things you can do to self medicate: excuses, complain, disassociate from responsibility. The reality is that its usually easier to deal with the actual issue than it is to deal with the negative psychological emotional and physical patterns that we use, to avoid. Deal with the underlying issue, and be aware when you are medicating yourself.
We humans are really good at avoiding even the thought of things we don’t want to face. “I don’t even want to think about that right now” (because the thought of it is too much). When we do have to face things that make us uncomfortable, we can go to great lengths to tune them out and numb ourselves so we don’t feel their effects. One way we deal with issues we don’t want to confront is called self-medicating. We can do this psychologically, emotionally and behaviorally. We self medicate with things like food, sex, fantasy, sympathy from others, guilt from others, attention from others, drugs. This isn’t necessarily an bad thing, but it can be if its taken to an extreme. If you know when you’re doing it, and you get it, it can be positive. A lot of people have a dark side to self-medication that they know isn’t healthy, and they try to repress it. More things you can do to self medicate: excuses, complain, disassociate from responsibility. The reality is that its usually easier to deal with the actual issue than it is to deal with the negative psychological emotional and physical patterns that we use, to avoid. Deal with the underlying issue, and be aware when you are medicating yourself.
Addiction is the shadow side of Habit. Here are a few commonly known and uncommonly know addictions:
Addiction to struggle (becoming addicted to your struggle allows you to have and excuse for why you’re not getting anything done.)
Addiction to an ideal
Addiction to projection
Addiction to your story
Addiction to your self-image
Physical addictions (substances and pleasure)
Emotional addictions (Love, the desire for love, missing, needing)
Psychological addictions (have you ever been addicted to a thought, or an image or to content of some kind)
Addiction to struggle (becoming addicted to your struggle allows you to have and excuse for why you’re not getting anything done.)
Addiction to an ideal
Addiction to projection
Addiction to your story
Addiction to your self-image
Physical addictions (substances and pleasure)
Emotional addictions (Love, the desire for love, missing, needing)
Psychological addictions (have you ever been addicted to a thought, or an image or to content of some kind)
The difference between imagined feeling and actual feeling. I’m
fascinated by the concept of how you think you should feel when
something happens and the way you feel when the even actually happens.
Have you ever made yourself sick by worrying about a future event, only
to experience it and end up saying that wasn’t that bad at all. Did you
ever notice that most of those events are that way. Have you ever had
something great happen in your life that you’ve waited for years to have
happen only to be disappointed when it actually transpired? “Is that
all there is?” Have you watched someone make a mistake or loose and you
felt good about it? You enjoyed watching them in defeat? These things
don’t make any sense, do they. They do when you realize, your thoughts
are not the actual thing. The thing that is very important to realize in
the difference between the thing and the mind, is that when the thing
happens you can interpret it, you can have it mean all types of things.
When you think about it, you can do the same thing. You can literally
make it in your life so that thinking about certain things, makes you
feel good or feel bad, and experiencing certain things makes you feel
good or feel bad. Just by the way you program it, just by the way you
see it, by your perspective. And I think its very important to take
control of that process.
Realistic and pragmatic thinking. Think big and you will be more likely to achieve.
However, Hubris and Humility.
In Greek mythology there is a story about a men who created wings for his son Icarus and then watched his son die as a result. Icarus’s father constructed to pairs of wings, one for himself and one for his son. He made them from feathers and wax thread.
Overcome with the understandable confidence that must have come from being able to fly, Icarus ignored his father’s specific and strict instructions and he flew too close to the sun. The sun melted the wax thread that held the wings together and he fell to his death. This combination of over confidence, blindness caused by success (too early usually) and unconsciously ignoring the important feedback and available information, is called Hubris. It is pride, presumptuousness, arrogance. The kind of over confidence that leads to a fall, a blind faith in oneself that leads to ignoring important feedback or available information. And unknowingly walking right into and causing massive failure. The newbie gets too confident and though the wise sage says “your not ready, don’t do it”. The newbie thinks he’s got it and then just gets whacked really hard.
Many people believe that the concepts mentioned, don’t apply to them. Possibly because “eventually they’ll meet that ideal person, who instead will choose to spontaneously fall in love with them”. Many people believe they don’t actually need to practice and prepare before using the things they are learning, because they think that understanding something is the same as being able to execute something perfectly. Don’t buy this line of thinking, put aside your pride, put aside your overconfidence, put aside your hubris. Every time you prepare to improve, approach your skills as a beginner. Open your mind and try to see new things, be curious, ask stupid questions. Learn to see the clues that Hubris is starting within you. Create a system of centering, reevaluation and resetting your systems, when you suspect that you might be becoming overconfident in an unhealthy way. The folly of Hubris is typically difficult for a person to see in themselves, but easy for everyone else to see around them. Find that sweet spot between neutral and confident that leads to constant improvement and then do whatever you have to, in order to stay there.
However, Hubris and Humility.
In Greek mythology there is a story about a men who created wings for his son Icarus and then watched his son die as a result. Icarus’s father constructed to pairs of wings, one for himself and one for his son. He made them from feathers and wax thread.
Overcome with the understandable confidence that must have come from being able to fly, Icarus ignored his father’s specific and strict instructions and he flew too close to the sun. The sun melted the wax thread that held the wings together and he fell to his death. This combination of over confidence, blindness caused by success (too early usually) and unconsciously ignoring the important feedback and available information, is called Hubris. It is pride, presumptuousness, arrogance. The kind of over confidence that leads to a fall, a blind faith in oneself that leads to ignoring important feedback or available information. And unknowingly walking right into and causing massive failure. The newbie gets too confident and though the wise sage says “your not ready, don’t do it”. The newbie thinks he’s got it and then just gets whacked really hard.
Many people believe that the concepts mentioned, don’t apply to them. Possibly because “eventually they’ll meet that ideal person, who instead will choose to spontaneously fall in love with them”. Many people believe they don’t actually need to practice and prepare before using the things they are learning, because they think that understanding something is the same as being able to execute something perfectly. Don’t buy this line of thinking, put aside your pride, put aside your overconfidence, put aside your hubris. Every time you prepare to improve, approach your skills as a beginner. Open your mind and try to see new things, be curious, ask stupid questions. Learn to see the clues that Hubris is starting within you. Create a system of centering, reevaluation and resetting your systems, when you suspect that you might be becoming overconfident in an unhealthy way. The folly of Hubris is typically difficult for a person to see in themselves, but easy for everyone else to see around them. Find that sweet spot between neutral and confident that leads to constant improvement and then do whatever you have to, in order to stay there.
The opposite of Hubris (the other dark side of the same coin)
Blind Self-Indulgent Humility.
It is the habitual neurotic compulsion to give others control, avoid confrontation, avoid upsetting others and take all negative communication and events personally. It stems from a weak self image or a distorted belief system, allows the person to feel superior to others while damaging themselves. Symptoms that you might have too much of it: Avoid all conflict or approach sensitive situations by apologizing immediately and for everything, without even thinking through what they are being told. You think that you are responsible for everything that goes wrong and you accept responsibility publicly before even considering things. You secretly feel better than others when your humble, and you harbor negativity to people who are confident and strong (which makes you feel superior to them).Find the sweet spot in between both of them.
Blind Self-Indulgent Humility.
It is the habitual neurotic compulsion to give others control, avoid confrontation, avoid upsetting others and take all negative communication and events personally. It stems from a weak self image or a distorted belief system, allows the person to feel superior to others while damaging themselves. Symptoms that you might have too much of it: Avoid all conflict or approach sensitive situations by apologizing immediately and for everything, without even thinking through what they are being told. You think that you are responsible for everything that goes wrong and you accept responsibility publicly before even considering things. You secretly feel better than others when your humble, and you harbor negativity to people who are confident and strong (which makes you feel superior to them).Find the sweet spot in between both of them.
The dark side of getting it in your head, too many people myself
included want to learn everything instead of actually doing anything to
learn. When they have challenges getting started they default to “learn
more”, before doing (which is often a way of creatively avoiding) “I
have to work everything out in my mind before I can act”. Don’t use
learning as creative avoidance. There of course are many ways of
learning, but in most situations you have enough knowledge to apply some
of it in order to learn from the actual experience. If you only rely on
the informational way of learning, you will limit you success by
probably 95%.
We all have a module we come equipped with from the
factory, call it what you will, and it has a lot of potential. This is
the ultimate archetype and personification of traits that add up to a
person that people don’t feel attraction for. This includes a
combination of low self-esteem and feeling of not deserving success. The
irony is when you are there, you can try your hardest, focus all your
energy and do everything in your power to make the other person like
you, but all of your effort actually works against you. Here are some
elements to avoid:
Seeking approval or validation (basically comes down to the approval seeker trying to accomplish the following: get others to like approve of and validate them their actions and their behaviors. Do what others want, or what others would want them to do. Please others and make others happy, not have anyone become mad, upset or disappointed with them. Not cause conflict, fear and anger in others. Not experience any negative emotions themselves.).
The victim, is someone who feels that others are in control of their lives and destinies a victim takes the position, others are hurting me and I can’t do anything about it. Victims tend to use their unfortunate situations to get pity and attention from others. Victims tend not to take personal responsibility for their own lives and situations. Victims often use, unfortunate past events to attempt to make others feel bad for them. Victims often dramatize their stories in order to maximize the attention and pity they get. Victims tend not to notice that their attitude does not bring healthy successful people closer to them, but rather it pushes them away. This is short-term thinking, it is very short sighted (remember this: Short term gratification almost always has long term trade offs), it drives people away from you. Even if you feel, even if your programming is so strong that everything happens to you in life and that you are the victim of the situation.
Don’t let anyone else know that that’s what you think, don’t act like it.
Seeking approval or validation (basically comes down to the approval seeker trying to accomplish the following: get others to like approve of and validate them their actions and their behaviors. Do what others want, or what others would want them to do. Please others and make others happy, not have anyone become mad, upset or disappointed with them. Not cause conflict, fear and anger in others. Not experience any negative emotions themselves.).
The victim, is someone who feels that others are in control of their lives and destinies a victim takes the position, others are hurting me and I can’t do anything about it. Victims tend to use their unfortunate situations to get pity and attention from others. Victims tend not to take personal responsibility for their own lives and situations. Victims often use, unfortunate past events to attempt to make others feel bad for them. Victims often dramatize their stories in order to maximize the attention and pity they get. Victims tend not to notice that their attitude does not bring healthy successful people closer to them, but rather it pushes them away. This is short-term thinking, it is very short sighted (remember this: Short term gratification almost always has long term trade offs), it drives people away from you. Even if you feel, even if your programming is so strong that everything happens to you in life and that you are the victim of the situation.
Don’t let anyone else know that that’s what you think, don’t act like it.
Related to you secretly don’t control yourself, you’re a victim.
The nice guy (non-gender), is someone who believes that he should go out of his way to always be sweet nice generous and understanding no matter what the circumstances- that’s the key.
The nice guy (non-gender), is someone who believes that he should go out of his way to always be sweet nice generous and understanding no matter what the circumstances- that’s the key.
Nice guys don’t
draw boundaries, they don’t stand up for themselves, they don’t say no
very often. Usually nice guys harbor a secret belief, that they are
better than everyone else, because they are so nice. Of course nothing
could be further from the truth, when your being nice in order to get
something back, your being manipulative. The secondary pay-offs of being
a nice guy, you get to feel your better than others, you get to do
things that you feel owed for. And you get that selfish good feeling, of
doing nice things.
There’s someone in my life that’s very close to me who has used this strategy all their life. And I watch as he gets involved with a woman, starts doing all these nice things for them, starts to expect that she should do things in return, doesn’t get them back, goes right to victim, and becomes righteous. “I did all these good things”, gets to feel superior. And what he’s really doing is he’s masking.
There’s someone in my life that’s very close to me who has used this strategy all their life. And I watch as he gets involved with a woman, starts doing all these nice things for them, starts to expect that she should do things in return, doesn’t get them back, goes right to victim, and becomes righteous. “I did all these good things”, gets to feel superior. And what he’s really doing is he’s masking.
It is often hard to evict the tenant that has nothing to loose and everything to gain by staying.
There are a lot of secondary pay-off that we are getting with all this,
and its working for us, typically short term working for you. But it
gives you a lot of instant gratification.
If you really want to solve the problem, you must go ALL THE WAY DOWN TO THE ROOT (weeds need to be removed from the roots)
You must go to work on your identity, your beliefs your values and your self image.
If you really want to solve the problem, you must go ALL THE WAY DOWN TO THE ROOT (weeds need to be removed from the roots)
You must go to work on your identity, your beliefs your values and your self image.
Hope this does its part.
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